recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
