Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
