I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
