I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
