with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
