i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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