The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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