I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
