I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
