You're my little dorito
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
