god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No more Irish car bombs ever.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
