i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
