he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Mom said you looked used
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
