I'm gonna have a badass scar
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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