I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
