do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
There are leaves in my underwear?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
