the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
