my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
