I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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