People in love make me want to vomit
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
