I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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