my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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