Just fell off a train. Bad.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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