I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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