walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
