she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
