Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
