even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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