Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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