she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
