Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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