well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
