ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
