when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
