You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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