I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
