My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
