she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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