im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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