I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We had sex on a dog bed..
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
