I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
