Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
