My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize