i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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