He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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