She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize