if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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