oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
