So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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