i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So many bounce houses so little time
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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