The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
