I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
