It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
