I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
