No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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