Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
