my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
In America we eat man semen.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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