wat bout pragnant strippers??
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
