I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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