Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
