So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize