I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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