I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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