dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
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