If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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