when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
