i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
