I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
