so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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