During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize