Cold hands, warm shart.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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