I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
