When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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