in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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