Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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