I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
