I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
PANTIES FOUND
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
