Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Less talking, more tequila
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
