It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
