8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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