The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
