I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
