i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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