i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
