I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
