I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
