Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
