You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
