I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
