ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
