so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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