Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
