I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize