My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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