Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
