I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize