I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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