We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
