No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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