Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
