I feel like abortions should bother me more
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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