Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
