Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
