I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
