I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Randomize
