If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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