I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I supernannyed him into submission
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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