Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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