i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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